Articles, Blog

Weekend Update: Smokery Farms – SNL

November 4, 2019


THIS IS NOT AN EASY TRANSITION,
BUT A PIG NAMED PICASSO SAVED FROM A SLAUGHTER HOUSE SOLD FOR
THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS. HERE’S VA NETTA AND WI LEAN
STARKY.>>WE’RE COUSINS.
>>THANKS FOR BEING HERE.>>ALL THESE AMAZING ANIMAL
STORIES MIGHT BE HEART WARMING FOR Y’ALL, BUT NOT GREAT FOR
MEAT FARMERS.>>PEOPLE GOING VEGAN LEFT AND
RIGHT BECAUSE THE DAMN INTERNET IS SHOWING VIDEOS LIKE PIG
TEACHES DEAF DOG TO BARK.>>OR CHICKEN REMINDS MAN WHAT
HE LOVES ABOUT HIS WIFE.>>EVERY TIME A COW SALUTES A
VETERAN OUR STOCKS TAKE A HIT.>>DO YOU NOT NEED TO FEEL
GUILTY WITH US, SMOKERY FARMS WILL ONLY SERVE MEAT FROM
ANIMALS WHO ARE INDIVIDUALLY STUPID AND BAD.
>>THAT’S RIGHT. ALL OUR CROWD FAVORITE MEAT
GIFTS ARE NOW MADE FROM THE DUMBEST, WORST, MOST NOTHING
PERSONALITIES.>>I’M SORRY.
I DON’T THINK I UNDERSTAND.>>OKAY, WE CAN SHOW YOU THEN.
HERE WE GO.>>LOOK AT ALL THAT.
>>LOOK AT THAT GORGEOUS STINK BASKET.
I WILL TELL YOU, A LOT OF MEAT. THIS IS STRONG.
OUR VEAL CUTLET IS MADE FROM A LITTLE DUD WHO COULDN’T DO
TRICKS AND REFUSED HIS HALLOWEEN COSTUME, OKAY?
YOU ARE GOING TO FEEL NO GUILT WHEN YOU SOAK HIM IN MILK AND
FEED HIM TO YOUR CHILDREN.>>THAT’S RIGHT N. A RECENT
STUDY OF 100 CHICKENS, ALL BUT ONE COULD IDENTIFY HIMSELF IN
THE MIRROR. WE DONE GOT THAT ONE.
HIS NAME WAS SUN DAN AND NOW HE’S A NUGGET.
BON APPETIT. THAT’S RIGHT.
>>YUM, I’M GETTING HUNGRY. YOU ARE GOING TO LOVE OUR
SIX-OUNCE FILET MIGNON. THAT’S FROM A COW WHO HIT A KID
IN THE WIENER FOR NO REASON. NO REASON AT ALL.
>>TRY OUR LAMB CHOPS FROM LAMBS WHO WOULD NOT STOP BODY SHAMING
THE GOATS. THESE ARE BAD CRIMINALS BUT THEY
TASTE INCREDIBLE.>>OH, YUM.
>>YUM!>>I HAVE GOT TO SAY THAT THIS
ROAST DUCK WAS A SMART DUCK WHO COULD SPELL, BUT THE ONLY WORD
IT SPELLED WAS THE R WORD. WHEN CORRECTED IT DOUBLED DOWN
HARD.>>WHY DON’T YOU TRY OUR
APPLEWOOD SMOKED BACON FROM A LITTLE PIG WHOA WENT TO MARKET
AND HELD ITS OWNER AT GUN POINT.>>THAT DOESN’T SOUND LIKE
SOMETHING AN ANIMAL WOULD DO.>>YOU LIKE MEAT, COLIN?
>>COLIN, YOU A BIG MEAT BOY, COLIN?
>>NOT CLOSER, NO. I WOULD NOT SAY I’M A BIG MEAT
BOY, BUT I EAT MEET. I LIKE MEAT.
>>THEN YOUR MOUTH MUST BE WATERING FOR SOME MEAN, BAD, AND
WORTHLESS ANIMALS.>>IT KIND OF IS NOW, YEAH.
>>WE GOT THEM FUR, BABY COLIN, OKAY?
>>THERE IS A BAD BOY WHO

5 Comments

  • Reply nugal November 3, 2019 at 6:58 pm

    ‘A ‘lil dud who couldn’t do tricks’ 😂😂😂

  • Reply wvu05 November 4, 2019 at 2:50 am

    As someone who once had a piece of chicken fat stuck in my garbage disposal, I sympathize.

  • Reply Jenna Cryan November 4, 2019 at 5:40 am

    they deserve an emmy for this segment alone
    almost wish the staff fucked up again and made the meat stank in the most recent segment just to see them all struggle extra hard through it

  • Reply Stephanie West November 4, 2019 at 12:52 pm

    Why would they have cooked meat on the tray with raw meat?

  • Reply jackgibs xxx07 November 4, 2019 at 4:21 pm

    Meat girls

  • Reply Kiri Like Siri November 4, 2019 at 9:02 pm

    Lolol they switched the names around so I can't tell who is the real Vaneta and Wylene

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