Articles, Blog

Eliud Kipchoge’s Historic Marathon Run, “Prenups” for Babies & Farmers’ Sex Lives | The Daily Show

October 18, 2019


The world of marathon running. Most people just run them
so that they can brag to their friends
about running marathons. Although that’s not
why I run them. I, uh, I do it
for the tiny cups of water. Anyway, this weekend, one man ran straight
into the record books. In Vienna, Austria,
a marathon runner from Kenya made history
going the distance in under two hours
for the first time. TV REPORTER: One hour,
59 minutes and 40 seconds, but it won’t be counted
as a new world record because it wasn’t
an official race. All of it stage-managed
in forensic detail, a specially-chosen flat
six mile circuit in Vienna. Kipchoge wore the much-debated
white Nike Vaporflys, and there was an army
of three dozen pacers, some of the world’s
best marathoners, who took turns pounding
the grueling four minute and 34 second mile
pace in formation. Wow, that is amazing. Eliud Kipchoge ran a marathon
in less than two hours, which was thought to be
physically impossible. And you know this guy’s a freak
athlete because, I mean, like, he kept running after
he crossed the finish line. That was insane. Like, usually when someone
finishes a marathon, they’re like, (panting):
“I did it. My nipples fell off
but I did it.” And this guy’s just like,
“That was a good warm-up. “Now for the race. Eh,
what are we doing, eh? Are we ready?” I love how some people
are now saying that the only reason
he broke this record is because he had on
special Nike running shoes. Yeah, you know what?
Why don’t you go get those shoes and you tell me
how fast your time is. Go. We’ll wait.
Go get those shoes. (cheering and applause) Come on, you can’t give
the shoes credit. You can’t give
the shoes the credit. If anything, him being Kenyan
is the cheating part. That’s being unfair. Yeah. He wasn’t like, “Oh, my God,
I’m wearing these Nikes.” It’s more like the Nikes
were like, “Oh, my God. “We’re wearing a Kenyan.
We’re gonna win! We’re gonna win!” Moving on. Having a baby changes your life. You have to take care of it
for 18 years or until Maury tells you
you’re not the father. And apparently,
with great responsibility comes great amounts
of paperwork. -TV REPORTER: Bringing home baby
-(baby crying) can be overwhelming, but now,
expectant couples are creating baby pre-nups, or contracts, to help ease
the stress. WOMAN: A baby pre-nup
is an agreement made between both parents
where they know what their roles
will look like, what their duties may be like once the baby arrives,
so that there’s no surprises. We signed the document
with witnesses. Some things that we included
were things like grandchild
and grandparent access as well as financial
implications. Yes, the newest fad in
white people childrearing is baby pre-nups. And look, I’m just
gonna put it out there. If you need your partner
to sign a pre-nup that they’re gonna help you
raise a kid, maybe you don’t want to raise a
kid with that person. Uh, ’cause how are you
even gonna enforce that? Right? Are you just
gonna come home like, “Hey, did you feed the kid?” “No.”
“Then I’ll see you in court.” I think it’s becoming
too stressful to become friends with couples
who have babies these days. First it was baby showers, then it became
gender reveal parties, now I’ve got to be a witness
to your pre-nup signing? Like, if I wanted to be this
big part of your baby life, then I should have a say in
whether or not you have one. Like, the couple should have
to phone friends and be like, “Hey, Trevor, we’re thinking
of having a baby.” I’d be like, “Actually, guys,
I’m trying to focus “on my career right now. “I can’t be friends with, like,
a couple who has a baby. I’m sorry.” Baby pre-nup. You know who should sign
baby pre-nups? Babies. Yeah. They’re the ones
who should make guarantees. Before they come out,
they need to put it in writing what they’re gonna do
or not do. You’ll only cry
between 4:00 and 5:00 a.m.,
not the whole night. You know,
you’re only gonna shit yourself this many times in a day. Yeah, it would be great
if they sign a contract. Then when the baby’s,
like, losing their mind at, like, 2:00 a.m., you can
just show them the contract. They’d be like…
(imitating crying) And you’re like, “Ah, ah, ah.” The baby’s like, “Aah,
I’ll see you in a few hours. Aah.” Oh, and speaking of babies, uh, let’s talk
about how they’re made. NEWSWOMAN:
Well, guess who’s having a field day in the sheets. A new study shows farmers have the most sex
out of any other profession, on average having sex
at least once a day. 67% of them rate their
performance as incredible. Sex experts say
it’s because farmers are likely to be more fit
than deskbound city dwellers and have more stamina. Farmers were closely followed
by architects and hairdressers
for having the most sex. At the bottom of the list,
journalists. (laughter and applause) Yeah, that’s right. Apparently,
of all the professions, farmers have the most sex, and journalists have the least. Which doesn’t shock me,
all right? In this era, journalists
don’t have time to be having sex because Trump
is always breaking news. I bet every time journalists try
and set the mood… They’ll be at home,
like, lighting candles. They’ll be like,
“Baby, it’s time.” (vocalizing) “I’ve been really trying
to build this wall.” “Goddamn it, he did it again!” And as for the farmers, like, of course
they have a lot of sex. Farming is a sexy profession.
Think about it. All day, what do they do?
Plowing, huh? Planting seeds. Growing eggplants. Watering vagina trees. Yeah. Although, although, I will say, they didn’t say farmers
are having sex with people. Yeah. They just said
they have the most sex. All I’m saying is scarecrows
don’t need to have mouths. That’s all I’m saying.

100 Comments

  • Reply Optimus Phoenix Prime October 18, 2019 at 12:38 am

    🕵️‍♀️ Planet moron… Millions of years of evolution and this is what we cum to evolving…
    “Prenups” for Babies…
    Here sign this prenut cumtract!
    You can never divorce my cock!
    Blowjobs all the time!

  • Reply Danielle Stevenson October 18, 2019 at 12:43 am

    "I put my hands on your body. It feels like hay? IT'S A F*CKIN' SCARECROW AGAIN!"-Bo Burnham

  • Reply James Weideman October 18, 2019 at 12:48 am

    … Because nothing says “I love you son” like contractual obligation.

  • Reply Ijenna Osuji October 18, 2019 at 12:49 am

    “I do it for the tiny cups of water”

    Me: smashes Like button

  • Reply Optimus Phoenix Prime October 18, 2019 at 12:50 am

    Sex once a day? 🕵️‍ I used to fuck a few times a day!
    . Alarm cock

    I swear i must of been golden gloves!
    Needed towels and mop

    If they didn't work as much they would fuck more then 1 time a day
    I didn't farm 🐱‍👤 Martial arts

  • Reply ID805 Gaming October 18, 2019 at 12:51 am

    I agree with Trevor Noah…that's the whitest shit I've ever seen and I'm white.

  • Reply Calvin Wang October 18, 2019 at 12:53 am

    Erm pornstars? Hello?

  • Reply Timmah200 October 18, 2019 at 12:56 am

    Isn't "prenup" short for pre-nuptial, which is defined as before a wedding/marriage? This doesn't make sense…you're not marrying your infant…I hope…

  • Reply IWantTo Believe October 18, 2019 at 1:02 am

    I would've laughed at the baby prenup but my daughter found out her husband was cheating 3 months after my granddaughter was born. He went from being a great dad to a crappy dad. She made him sign a form she just doesn't know it's what they are calling a Baby Prenup or I guess it's a Postnup.👈

  • Reply meguelluvsoccer October 18, 2019 at 1:04 am

    Farmers only ain’t no joke…Bumping old town road in the tractor

  • Reply IamNutzo October 18, 2019 at 1:08 am

    And this video is brought to you by the Sponsor Farmersonly.com 🤣🤣🤣

  • Reply Charlit Avisado October 18, 2019 at 1:08 am

    😂😂

  • Reply G. Andaluz October 18, 2019 at 1:09 am

    Makes sense, farmers are accessible during the day to their S/O

  • Reply YeeSoest October 18, 2019 at 1:09 am

    Okay no, two things about the "Marathon record".
    First: If you have all that help and only beat the Target by 20 seconds, you know the 2 hour mark is still pretty safe for official competition. It's not about ME, with those shoes 30 other guys would have done it !
    Second: I used to take Marathon seriously until I noticed they do IronMan contests where the Marathon is basically the victory lap sometimes…they also do supermarathons and cross country marathons…
    Normal Marathon running is chopped liver^^

  • Reply Sul sur October 18, 2019 at 1:11 am

    If he wear a white person then no one would have talked about the shoes

  • Reply Viren vs October 18, 2019 at 1:12 am

    I just love black people tv. Formerly known as the daily show.

  • Reply YeeSoest October 18, 2019 at 1:14 am

    The sad answer to the question "why do Farmers get laid so much" is "because noone else is alone with cattle so much"
    Meh, beat me to it, Trev;)

  • Reply Xineal October 18, 2019 at 1:23 am

    Clark Kent was not sure whether to like or dislike this video.

  • Reply Chef Pizza October 18, 2019 at 1:32 am

    It’s still a record even if it wasn’t an official race.

  • Reply Chef Pizza October 18, 2019 at 1:33 am

    When you need to know what your role is when you are going to have a baby with your lover. You need help.

  • Reply ks391262 October 18, 2019 at 1:39 am

    What about the woman who just broke the woman's marathon record?? 2 hours and 14 minutes!! May be more impressive and also happened this week.

  • Reply Daniela Viera October 18, 2019 at 1:42 am

    Both my parents are architects, they must be some sort of sex ninjas because my room is literally right next to them, I can hear them snore at night. How the hell are the having sex?

  • Reply Kelvin Fon October 18, 2019 at 1:45 am

    Baby Prenups, Ohh White people done did it again! lmao

  • Reply Chris Butler October 18, 2019 at 1:48 am

    Eddie Izzard runs crazy amount of these in a row… these people are crazy lol.

  • Reply Beauty Wakanda October 18, 2019 at 1:48 am

    If he ran barefoot, he would have done it in an hour. Keep your shoes:)

  • Reply Tom Crooks October 18, 2019 at 1:51 am

    No the reason he won the race was because he's black. Dont say Im racist you know thats why

  • Reply agbor rita October 18, 2019 at 1:53 am

    Noah you're crazy lol

  • Reply Michael Fisher October 18, 2019 at 2:04 am

    Baby Prenup??? Some guys will agree to anything just to have sex

  • Reply Gino diFonzo October 18, 2019 at 2:05 am

    Black people baby pre-nup: Father impregnates baby-momma then does dirt and goes to jail. Baby-momma raises child when she isn't screwing father's friends. Fuck you Trevor; I'm sick of you dissing "white people" you race-baiting clown.

  • Reply leah i October 18, 2019 at 2:06 am

    🇰🇪🇰🇪🇰🇪🇰🇪🇰🇪

  • Reply Sadie October 18, 2019 at 2:20 am

    I choked on my tea when you said the "I'll see you in court." Joke Holy shit 🤣

  • Reply APPLE & HAPPY x-files October 18, 2019 at 2:24 am

    😂😂🤦🏻‍♀️😂😂😂 the end omg 😂😂😂

  • Reply Neko Mata October 18, 2019 at 2:29 am

    Ewwwwww!!! Trevor!! Come on!! I won't be able to erase that mental image all day!! 😖

  • Reply Duwane Knight October 18, 2019 at 2:31 am

    Clark Kent went from most to least 😂

  • Reply Jacob FitzGerald October 18, 2019 at 2:31 am

    Trevor Noah is the opposite of funny

  • Reply Designs, Peace and Love October 18, 2019 at 2:32 am

    I know some Farmers fuck the animals they grow. Where do you think beastiality came from? Farmers! 🤣😂😂😂

  • Reply M Hy October 18, 2019 at 2:40 am

    Only dumb azz heathens think up this bs like baby contracts!!

  • Reply robert presley October 18, 2019 at 2:43 am

    Wait…why were his shoes "debated"? Were they magic "make you faster" shoes developed in area 51?

  • Reply N R October 18, 2019 at 2:48 am

    That prenup couple. Just look at that guy, he is so whipped.

  • Reply Jenelle Bacchus October 18, 2019 at 2:53 am

    Baby prenup is trash

  • Reply J. H. October 18, 2019 at 2:56 am

    Those are some beefy looking shoes. What’s going on in there?

  • Reply Jessica Kelly October 18, 2019 at 2:58 am

    Wow can’t stand bro broke the world record🙄

  • Reply Jessica Kelly October 18, 2019 at 3:02 am

    Really…baby prenup? Omg r u serious with this? U wanna sign a contract on something that should be a no brainer

  • Reply J. H. October 18, 2019 at 3:04 am

    Soooo….. what happens if a parent breaks one of the agreements in the prenup? They get grounded?A fine? Probation? Imprisonment? Social media taken away? Permanently documented on their relationship record file?

  • Reply xseqer October 18, 2019 at 3:07 am

    There is another scale we might measure this "more sex" on and that is the scale of time spent thinking about this gahdam Human World and its inmates, or even just 'thinking'. When "mind" actually just means "brainstem", answering the call of the monkey is all there is to do anyway.

  • Reply santiago villa October 18, 2019 at 3:12 am

    babby prenups man, this gen is really fucked up

  • Reply We The Animals October 18, 2019 at 3:12 am

    I think a large percentage of farmers get regularly "plowed" by their ranch dogs and bulls.

    Bow chica bow WOW. XD

  • Reply Anzi Dong October 18, 2019 at 3:40 am

    When Michael Phelps wore his special swim suit no body talks shit about him. I see racist undertone in those complains about Eliud's nike shoes.

  • Reply lilian jebet October 18, 2019 at 3:41 am

    Flying the Kenyan flag high is our very own Eliud kipchoge , so proud of him

  • Reply Adrian Inniss October 18, 2019 at 3:56 am

    N!gga said scarecrows don't need mouths lmao 🤣🤣🤣

  • Reply Lulu Seatown Getdown October 18, 2019 at 3:57 am

    Nike stole from MBT. If you don’t know, now you do.

  • Reply Itsfavor2 October 18, 2019 at 4:03 am

    Ohhh you just a McNAsty Trevor…👀👀

  • Reply Diane Plouff October 18, 2019 at 4:14 am

    They didn't say farmers were having sex with people I laughed way to hard on that joke. 😀

  • Reply Derick Wafula October 18, 2019 at 4:15 am

    Nimekuja hapa venye nimeona kipchoge alafu Trevor amesema jina vizuri.Asante Trevor kupasha watu wachukue izo viatu wakimbie waone watafika wapi

  • Reply On Taka October 18, 2019 at 4:15 am

    Farmers plow seed and breed when they are not working on the field.
    If Trevor Noah was British, he would have come up with one of those "Sheep" jokes.

  • Reply angela mondoh October 18, 2019 at 5:03 am

    So Trevor here's the thing, i love you but your Kenyan accent is way off man we sound nothing like that! but still good stuff

  • Reply Philosophy Gamers October 18, 2019 at 5:09 am

    This sex statistic seems really made up.

  • Reply just me October 18, 2019 at 5:14 am

    Actually, the bottom of the sex list is me.

  • Reply Michael Ebrahimi October 18, 2019 at 5:17 am

    No man willingly wants a baby prenup, but all men want the actual prenup. It just says the feminist movement is a success. No normal prenup in most marriages and now baby prenups exist.

  • Reply max sa October 18, 2019 at 5:39 am

    so what ? what was the point of running this thing ?

  • Reply Leslie Page October 18, 2019 at 6:10 am

    I'm just going to adopt. I don't trust anybody else to raise my child. I know how I'm going to raise my child. If I was a woman, I would just bone somebody who doesn't seem like a shit stain, have the baby, and never tell them.

    Humans are shit. Relationships are irrational and unhealthy.

  • Reply Chibi_93 October 18, 2019 at 6:19 am

    Theese are American White People.. no one in europe is this stupid😂

  • Reply Django Worldwide October 18, 2019 at 6:32 am

    "a marathon runner from Kenya" ? Is this how you describe the world record holder and Olympic champion? Was Phelps "a guy from the us" when he won his gold medals? Can you be more deep racist?

  • Reply thepacifier October 18, 2019 at 6:35 am

    How come u didn’t talk about Nobel peace prize

  • Reply Sherah Stevens October 18, 2019 at 6:36 am

    Wooow this Guy gets Funnier everyday…
    Thanks Trevor For touching on Kenya.
    She's my home country

  • Reply John Draffin October 18, 2019 at 6:46 am

    Trevor mad cause he's a journalist

  • Reply L.A vibes October 18, 2019 at 6:47 am

    😂😂😂😂man we kenyans never cheat

  • Reply Neil San Diego October 18, 2019 at 6:55 am

    “Prenups” for Babies & Farmers’ Sex Lives <<< comma please >_<

  • Reply Emerick Deneb October 18, 2019 at 6:56 am

    Gender reveals are pointless. You dont know if tour kid is gonna turn gay, lesbian or thinking they born in the wrong body

  • Reply Mark S October 18, 2019 at 7:04 am

    Baby Pre-nups? Seriously? How hard is it to understand? One parent spends every waking hour at work, at the bar, or in front of the Xbox, and occasionally mows the lawn. The other one does literally everything else. They continue this arrangement until they can't stand each other. Then, after a messy divorce, the first parent constantly complains about how the second parent took 1/2 their stuff (and occasionally remembers to mention the kids). And when they graduate, the first parent talks about everything he did for them when they were little.

  • Reply Art iko October 18, 2019 at 7:16 am

    we wearing a Kenyan😂😂😂

  • Reply MVM GZ October 18, 2019 at 7:48 am

    Baby prenup😂😂😂. Wear a condom avoid that crap

  • Reply Abera Birhanu October 18, 2019 at 7:51 am

    are they F*** serious ,the dont know who Eliud Kipchoge’s is , "the Maraton runner from kenya " ….

  • Reply bushweednever October 18, 2019 at 7:54 am

    goddamn, babies…

  • Reply Wakili Njogu October 18, 2019 at 8:01 am

    Kenya…

  • Reply Baafsown October 18, 2019 at 8:09 am

    I completely agree with you on the baby pre-nup thing….really?

  • Reply Kristie C October 18, 2019 at 8:16 am

    Those farmers are having more sex cuz they are all bankrupt and out of a job thanks to the pos in the White House

  • Reply bestsnowboarderuknow October 18, 2019 at 8:21 am

    2:35 Trevor Noah demonstrating he's a racist

  • Reply DarkRubberDucky October 18, 2019 at 8:43 am

    Me (a white person): "Baby Prenups"? That's some white people bullshit.

  • Reply DarkRubberDucky October 18, 2019 at 8:46 am

    The reason farmers have so much sex is because they try to have as many kids as possible to have more people to help them on their farms. As my mama told me, since my mother's side of the family is from rural Mississippi, where we were related in some fashion to half the bloody county.

  • Reply David Szaks October 18, 2019 at 8:56 am

    To be fair its is kidna unfair to have technologically advanced shoes. You can say "put them on and see how fast you run" but the people who previously set the records w/o those shoes are probably too old or dead now so they can't see how fast they would have one if they had special shoes on. Also I ran a marathon in under a minute. Sure I was running on a treadmill in the back of a truck but we went more than 26 miles and I was running. What's under my feet don't count right.

  • Reply jabir bashir October 18, 2019 at 9:00 am

    baby prenups hahaha america

  • Reply Persiansweetcat1 October 18, 2019 at 9:17 am

    That’s what I was gonna say lol with whom do farmers have sex?! With people or with…. animal 🤣

  • Reply Birds Nthebees October 18, 2019 at 9:42 am

    On my nursing night shift laughing so loudly.. 😂😂

  • Reply John Marshall October 18, 2019 at 9:43 am

    A baby pre-nup. For parents that should never be parents.

  • Reply Modustollens1 October 18, 2019 at 9:52 am

    Can a baby prenup guarantee your ex wife can’t sue for sole custody solely out of spite and isn’t allowed to turn your children against you?

  • Reply Mikhail Angel October 18, 2019 at 9:57 am

    parenting with documentation?

  • Reply Kiere Luurs October 18, 2019 at 9:58 am

    "Straight into the record books"? Immediately contradicted in the video, and for good reason.

  • Reply Sanjay Gautam October 18, 2019 at 10:27 am

    what about you Trevor , how many times in a Month ? Cause you are always busy with Daily show . im guessing you dont even have time for masturbating , am i right ? how poor you are>'.

  • Reply Crazzy J Joseph in full October 18, 2019 at 10:50 am

    I get it kaore ke motho o montsho apparently not official? keyae bona joalo sis yeses

  • Reply rajab marigu October 18, 2019 at 10:50 am

    Thats us world! Kenya!✔+254! Hakuna matata! Jus so yu know we are the owners of that phrase too

  • Reply Αλέξανδρος Κατσούλας-Λιακόπουλος October 18, 2019 at 10:54 am

    Sexless mofos forming the world opinion. And where the fuck do they waste their time anyway? Most of them are misinformed too, barely any have read any books about history or economics or social organization theories and they are directly fed the stories they "write".

  • Reply Neutron Pixie October 18, 2019 at 10:58 am

    So farmers have more sex?….Livestock and cousins don't count.

  • Reply João Vilaverde October 18, 2019 at 11:53 am

    Prenups for babies? You north americans are seriously retarded.

  • Reply Evelyne Nyakoa October 18, 2019 at 11:55 am

    Kenyan and Proud.

  • Reply Nicholas Siocha October 18, 2019 at 12:03 pm

    White people be wierd… Baby prenup?

  • Reply Ben October 18, 2019 at 12:04 pm

    The thing is, I am certain these will actually be taken to court. It's bad spirited

  • Reply nyoike1 October 18, 2019 at 12:05 pm

    White people child rearing

  • Reply Rawr_Kitten October 18, 2019 at 12:17 pm

    Farmers are hoeing fields…..lol

  • Reply Damaris Jembere October 18, 2019 at 12:18 pm

    Never laughed so hard! Oh that's why scarecrows have mouths😂😂😂

  • Leave a Reply