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Cattle Halter – Hilarious Histories with Nile Séguin

March 7, 2020


Hi I’m Nile Séguin. Invented in 1940 I present to you, the Halter. No, this is not some kind of punk rock form of birth control although probably it could double as that. The Halter has nails in the mouth piece that when worn by a calf would prevent it from nursing. Yeah I would say that this would scare the living daylights out of any animal. Do you want some milk? Oh, all you have to do is get past this deathtrap that looks like it came out of the props department of any Saw movie. It looks like a birthday gift from Tim Burton. It was used sparingly because it was invented in the 1940s during World War 2, which I guess makes sense that they would ration. It also really helped the Veal industry, right? Oh what’s that, you want- you want some milk? Oh, maybe not so much little Heffer, there’s a fat Texan who’s willing to pay big dollars for your hind quarters. That was sad. Try not to think about it. Sssh. Let go of the visual. This probably isn’t helping, right? This is terrifying. Anyhoos, fun thing that you wouldn’t notice from just seeing it but once you get this close and you hold it, it looks like it’s made of leather but it’s actually about ninety-percent nightmare. Fun fact, who would have thought? It has little nails, little nails that you would put on a calf. There’s no way that whoever invented this had ever seen any kind of Disney film. Because they’re just- how could you- I got nothing! This thing has stumped me. It’s broken me as a person, I think. This next part is for the parents, so kids if you could look away! I personally think we should bring this back, maybe put it on little children. Obviously a smaller size, which would save on leather, which ironically the calves would appreciate. That way you’d have little kids, you know, they’d want more chocolate milk but they can’t. They’d just be slamming up against the fridge like a great white on shark week. That’s a visual I think you can keep, right? Unless you’re a parent, or a kid, or a human being with feelings.

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