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Do you have an adult family member or friend with a drug or alcohol problem? Continuing to use substances in spite of the fact that such does adult friend finder work is causing problems is a problem in and of itself; it shows that substance use has become more important than the problems it causes. Someone who is unwilling to discuss the issue or consider whether there might be a problem is a strong indicator that a problem exists. This information will be good to have if you decide to talk with other family members about the situation, seek advice from a professional or speak directly with the person.
If they agree there is a problem, figure out who will talk to the person about getting help. If there is a threat or feat of physical violence you should develop a safety plan. However, this representation is a myth, does adult friend finder work. People do not need to bottom out to be helped. Research shows that early identification of the problem is a much more effective solution for substance use problems.
Early identification occurs at the first signs of a problem — before anyone has suffered a traumatic event, dropped out of school or lost important relationships, jobs, their health or self-respect. Identification can be done through a screening by a health care professional, employee assistance professional or even a family member.
What happens after the screening depends on the results of the test. Some people can learn to cut back, while some need further assessment and possibly treatment. In general, though, all people are better equipped to work on recovery if their substance use problem is discovered and confronted early.
Treatment in the early stages of a substance use disorder is likely to be less intense, less disruptive and cause less anxiety. Waiting for people to ask for help is a risky strategy. Without help, family members can expect crises like arrests, medical emergencies, job loss, does adult friend finder work, public embarrassment and even death, does adult friend finder work.
Also, as untreated problems continue, family members develop their own issues. Partners of people who have substance use problems can suffer greatly. Common symptoms include headaches, backaches, digestive problems, depression, anxiety and panic attacks. Children of substance users can experience school behavior problems and poor academic performance and are more likely to become substance users themselves. It is not easy to live with someone who is using mind-altering substances.
Taking steps to begin treatment and recovery can be a painful process, but it is the only path that holds promise for something better. As long as family members deny that there is a problem, the problem will progress and so will the suffering. Start by getting help for yourself.
Restore your own emotional stability and bring new direction and meaning to your life. You will be better equipped to deflect crises and arguments, does adult friend finder work, and shift interactions with your impaired friend or family member.
Getting help for yourself may seem counter-intuitive, but is crucial so you can better cope with the myriad problems that emerge and effectively overcome the obstacles to wellness and recovery.
Some people find when they seek help for themselves that the person with the substance use problem gets angry, perhaps because the efforts represent a loss of control. Also, getting help signals that you are serious about changing the situation, does adult friend finder work. Some people threaten those seeking help to stop their efforts. Remain firm in your resolve to go forward, and be aware of your personal safety.
How Can I Bring Up the Subject with the Substance User? Will the Discussion Make the Situation Worse? People often worry that initiating a discussion with the person with the problem will lead him or her to take drastic steps. They might make a scene in front of other family members, move out of the house, drop out of school, does adult friend finder work, secretly drink or use other drugs even more and hide it from everyone or retaliate against them or other family members.
However, you might find the conversation to be a wonderfully productive experience. And, without change, the problems may become so severe that the same drastic outcomes could result.
When people are high, they are less able to understand logic and are more likely to be impatient, dismissive, angry and blaming. Some people have poor impulse control and may act irrationally or violently if the subject is brought up while he or she is under the influence. Ask if you can set a time to speak in the next few days to discuss something on your mind. Your goal is not to convince the person that there is a problem, but to let them know that you believe there is one and that your belief is based on observable behaviors.
It can sidetrack you from the main point. If the problem has only occurred over a short period of time, or has not reached a severe stage, it is possible that the adult you care about could successfully cut back on the use of alcohol or other drugs. If the person has not tried cutting back, you could suggest this strategy does adult friend finder work a first step.
Some people in the risky or abuse stages of substance use, or even in the early stage of addiction, are able to cut back and consistently use only minimal amounts in the future. You may find, though — as many do — that people who can cut back are the exception, not the rule. Or, they can only cut back for a few days or a few weeks before resuming heavy or excessive use. Trying to cut down and failing may help the person realize that the problem is more extensive than once thought.
You may also find that the person is able to stop completely. If you sense the person is willing to consider that there is a problem, suggest that an evaluation or a consultation with a trusted medical or mental health professional. This suggestion may be too threatening for some people during a first conversation of this kind. Meetings are widely available and free of charge. Many people need to be admitted to a detoxification center to help them physically withdraw. Even if detoxification is not necessary, a formal, structured treatment program is vital for sustained abstinence.
A health care professional or substance use counselor can help you and the person in need assess your options. To encourage the person to stop, you might want to tell them ways you would be willing to help make it easier — for example, going to counseling together, or providing transportation or childcare.
How Do I Help Someone Understand That He or She Has a Problem? You may have reached this point after weeks or months of giving lectures, making threats, ignoring behaviors, accepting promises of change, giving second chances or imposing consequences. Avoid blaming, arguing and reproaching; and expect denial, distortion, avoidance, rationalization and intellectualization of the problem. Perhaps a friend, another family member, doctor, clergy, boss, co-worker or other significant person might be able to have an effective discussion.
Or maybe the substance user would respond to activities you can do together, such as reviewing brochures or videos, meeting with a professional or going to a self-help, SMART Recovery or Twelve Step meeting. In fact, treatment includes both of these options — and a variety of others. Sustained reduction in alcohol or other drug use and sustained increases in personal health and social function are the primary goals.
The type of treatment is based on the severity of the problem. For risky users, does adult friend finder work, treatment can be as how to pick up girls scholarly journal as a screening and a brief intervention. For people exhibiting signs of dependence or addiction, a screening will probably lead to a referral for more intense level of care, does adult friend finder work.
All treatment starts with a screening, which is a series of questions about the amount and frequency of alcohol or other drug use and the consequences it may be causing. Screening can be done by many types of professionals, including a physician in a hospital or an office, a nurse, a clinical social worker, or a licensed substance abuse counselor.
After a screening, some people may need a brief intervention, usually done by a health professional. During a brief intervention, people receive feedback on their substance use based on the screening results.
Frequently, people are asked to cut back or stop their use. If they are ready to cut down, the health care professional will work with them to set a goal based on lower consumption. They may also be encouraged to reflect on why they use and how their lives will change by lowering their use. People who want to stop substance use will most likely be referred for additional evaluation or treatment.
To help someone you know who you think may have a substance use problem, you first need to get them screened. Your best bet is to talk to your own physician or employee assistance professional about referring you to someone who can help, such as a licensed substance abuse counselor or family therapist.
Formal treatment takes many forms, and no one type of treatment is best for everyone. There are many roads to recovery. But experts believe that any of a number of programs can lead to success — if the person is willing to accept help from others and invest energy in working on recovery.
A physician or another health care professional can also help you choose where someone should go for treatment, does adult friend finder work. Does your loved one have any of the following symptoms? Does adult friend finder work withdrawal symptoms, such as delirium tremens DTscan cause death. Two weeks ago we found out that my brother had been using marijuana and pcp. He began to think that the family wanted to kill him, that people on his job were saying bad thingd about him.
He would recount events that never happened and involved ill intent againts him. We thought he was developing a mental illness. Turns out it was drugs. We had no idea. He stopped eating and sleeping so he ended upnin the psych ER. He was released the next day.
A week later, he drank alcohol. He became very violent and paranoid, worst than ever. He is currently in the hospital receiving care. But refuses to let them do any tests or take medication. He wants to be given a pharmaceutical book to read up on the medicines, which he has been given all the info on. Im afraid that they will let him does adult friend finder work and he will get violent, aggresive and psychotic again. Everyone can be in danger, himself, does adult friend finder work, my mom amd anyone around him.
Is it ok to tell him the distress that he is causing us? Is it ok to set rules? To tell him that we are afraid for his and our safety? To ask him if he still thinks those thoughts he was having were real?
My mom just had her third reconstructive surgery because of cancer. This is a lot to handle. She has had a tremendous amount of stress and abuse to deal with in her two marriages, and a daughter who has attempted suicide on multiple occasions. I recently expressed my concern to her at which point she became defensive and said she had never hidden her drinking from me.
She added that it helps bring temporary relief from her severe menopause symptoms. She says that her insomnia, dehydration symptoms, frequent nightly bathroom visits, daily exhaustion are all caused by menopause. She is otherwise a wonderful person who I adore, and who is so kind and caring. What advice can you provide me on how to first help does adult friend finder work to deal with this, and secondly, how can I help her to over come this dependency?
Thank you for any advice you can provide. I feel like I am losing my sister to drug addiction. I can understand your concern for your sister. It must be a lot for all of you to deal with — losing her husband and your brother, and now worrying about what is happening to her. I share your concern over the slurred words — that could be from taking too much valium and Xanax, both work to depress the central nervous system. Alcohol would only exacerbate the situation. It really sounds like your sister could benefit from some help.
The first step might just be asking her if she would be willing to do an evaluation to assess how she is handling her grief and to evaluate the need for the medications she is taken, does adult friend finder work, either as prescribed or otherwise.
If she refuses, you might have to consider calling child protective services to have them step in and assess her. I wold hate for anything to happen to her children and it sounds like she needs help.
Wishing you and your sister the best. Pat I am looking for some advice on this topic, I am currently in college and in a serious relationship of three years. With that said I have started to become very worrisome of his actions; he is a participant does adult friend finder work a fraternity on campus and the group as a whole consumes copious amounts of alcohol on the designated party nights, id like to think his drinking habits are just to keep up with his fraternity and live out the college life but he seems to have started to have blackouts pretty occasionally and embarrasses himself but yet when the next party comes he must go and drinks heavily again.
I have brought up the concern I does adult friend finder work with this before and he immediately got defensive because he knows it is consistent through his family and has promised since he was a child to never follow in their footsteps. He tells me not to worry that he has control over his actions and is just stressed and having fun in college but it is hard for me to look around this especially since a week ago I got a call that he was blacked out drunk and did not remember one moment of the night before.
I can understand your concerns, especially given the frequency of blackouts and his family history. Estimates are that blackout drinking occurs when someone drinks too much too fast, typically at blood alcohol levels of.
While blackout drinking results in memory impairment, the person is not passed out and can still engage in various behaviors, the concern being accidents, unwanted sex, etc.
Asking him to cut back on his drinking might be another approach. Many college campuses have counseling programs so you might find it helpful to discuss what is happening with them and ask about what the campus options might be to suggest help. Finding activities that could compete with his drinking that he would enjoy doing with you rather than getting wasted might help as well.
I am looking for some advice please, my sister and brother-in-law live abroad and over the last two years we have noticed that when my brother-in-law starts drinking he consumes a large amount. The next day he just sleeps and is incredible grumpy and then the next does adult friend finder work it starts again. He has a young baby so the next day my sister has to do everything on her own. He does have a past of drug abuse but I do believe that is over. She banned hard liquor in the house and that seemed to help for a while but as soon as she is not there he goes and gets hard liquor.
He is also very overweight and on anti-depressive medication. As immediate family I am concerned for his health and the mental well being of my sister. What can we do? Do we even classify this as an alcoholic? We are just feeling so lost and helpless. I can understand your worries for your sister and your brother-in-law. Taking the substance in larger amounts or for longer than the you meant to. Wanting to cut down or stop using the substance but not managing to.
Spending a lot of time getting, using, or recovering from use of the substance. Cravings and urges to use the substance. Not managing to do what you should at work, home or school, because of substance use. Continuing to use, even when it causes problems in relationships. Giving up important social, occupational or recreational activities because of substance use.
Using substances again and again, even when it puts the you in danger. Continuing to use, even when the you know you have a physical or psychological problem. Needing more of the substance to get the effect you want tolerance. Development of withdrawal symptoms, which can be relieved by taking more of the. His use of alcohol is likely to exacerbate all of his problems, although likely he sees it as a solution to something — perhaps stress, his depression, etc. On the marriage front, it does adult friend finder work be best to not make alcohol the main reason for going, but just a consultation on how they can better communicate or something he would see as less confrontational.
Robert Meyers and Beyond Addiction by Dr. Here is a link to them: portalfinanciero.info. Both books describe ways to communicate and use your influence to engage your brother-in-law in healthier behaviors and treatment while minding your own self-care. It may help your sister to go to a support group as well. Also, there are some anti-craving medications that can be helpful such as Campral and Naltrexone. Attempts to help her have been met with all behaviours typical of someone in her condition — fake promises etc.
I can see where you are exhausted dealing with this situation and fearful that it will end badly for all concerned. It certainly sounds like your sister needs treatment to address her depression, weight, substance use and potentially other mental health issues like the grandiosity. In addition, I can understand how difficult it is to have her living with your parents, both emotionally and financially. There is no easy answer to such a complex situation.
It might help you and your family to speak with a counselor or psychologist to help you develop a plan. There is a book that I highly recommend called Beyond Addiction by Dr.
Jeffrey Foote that helps families figure out how to engage a loved one like your sister in treatment, or at least to get her engaged in healthier activities.
Part of it is assessing what you think she is willing to do to help herself. It may be that she is willing to see a nutritionist, or see someone about medications perhaps a second opinionor get her hair done — any little step to get her moving in the right direction. Maybe she would be willing to attend a family meeting with a counselor to talk about how the family can best support her.
It may help you to attend a support group as well for your own sanity, and to learn about ways to help her. More information on these suggestions can be found at portalfinanciero.info.
You are such a kind and thoughtful sister to want to help. I wish you and your family the best. Pat I have a friend who is presently in outpatient rehab for alcoholism. There have been many other issues such as drinking and driving and her refusal to accept our request that she not drive our children or offer to drive does adult friend finder work. This was told to her directly and she repeatedly kept asking the kids putting them in a very difficult situation. I understand her denial and lying, I can accept that.
I have helped with her children when she has had counselling sessions and even honoured her request to not tell people what happened on our trip except in a situation where another friends children would have been at risk by being driven by her. As stressful as dealing with much of this was I still am rooting for her to work through this, does adult friend finder work.
She said she is doing well and was telling me how another friend has been a great support. I reminded her that I am here for her. Is putting equal burden on friends and family a typical part of the recovery process, does adult friend finder work.
I feel that she is still not seeing the consequences of her disease on the people around her and pushing people away. She is not seeing the support that is right in front of her.
I want to continue to be supportive without enabling either her drinking or her deceptive or deflective behaviourwhat is the best way to move forward? I have discussed this with my extended family however they are reluctant to talk to him as it is too easy for him to just shut them out or ignore their calls and they are worried that it will just blow out of preportion.
The stress of it is just taking over my life, and I think that if he knew that it was something that I was worried about he might want to make a change. I think it is so loving of you to reach out for help and be willing to address your concerns with your father. There is no charge for the call and they can help you think through timing, sharing your concerns and how to offer help.
Another resource that may be helpful to you is Beyond Addiction by Dr. He wrote the book to help families encourage a loved one to engage in treatment. This is a link to the book: portalfinanciero.info. It explains how to communicate in a positive way that is likely to meet with more success rather than confronting someone. My brother-in-law is heavily addicted to alcohol and has virtually given up on everything else around does adult friend finder work, including his loving wife.
He was hospitalised last year for a few weeks through drink induced medical issue. He will not listen to either his wife or family and friends, even when positive persuasion techniques are deployed.
Of course, he is never sober, so the discussions are barely rational. He also pays no attention to medical professionals who have told him he will be dead within a year if he does not stop drinking. Can he be forced into a residential rehab programme or do we simply have to wait until the inevitable happens?
You asked if he can be forced into treatment and the answer is it depends on your state commitment laws. The majority of states have civil commitment laws, most of which state that the person must be a danger to themselves or others in order to be mandated to treatment.
Again, though, the laws vary by state so it is important to see what your specific state laws say. Sometimes offering options, which may not be ideal, will at least get the ball rolling. You could try staging an intervention and see if he will agree to some amount of treatment.
It sounds like he will need to detox, so that may be the first order of business and then go from there. My wife has been very supportive, but is now at the point of giving up on me. Please can you suggest a way forward? Although I knew he likes to drink, I thought it was only happening occasionally, while partying.
Compare online dating services, as I started seeing him every day, I have realized that he drinks non-stop during the day, beer after beer, and sometimes he smells even early in the morning. He is not being violent or anything, does adult friend finder work, just very talkative, but it is apparent that he has a problem.
I am not close with either of them, and we had some disagreements so I am struggling how to address that issue without them seeing it like a personal attack. Thank does adult friend finder work in advance! It is up to you as to whether to approach either your roommate or her BF or to leave the situation be, but you might offer an open-ended question about drinking if you choose to discuss it. Sometimes it helps to highlight why you think he might be drinking — boredom, anxiety, stress, etc.
Often starting from a place of suggesting getting help cutting back rather than quitting can be better received. Can anyone offer a suggestion on where to START to find help if uncertain what substance is being abused? I suspect alcohol but could be a combination making it hard to contact most agencies as they want specifics.
Her husband has been a help but often is overwhelmed as well and his sharp words tend to make things worse I suspect.
In response to your question about where to start if you are unsure of the substances used, it might help to list the unusual symptoms or behaviors you have noticed and then look at some of the drug guides at portalfinanciero.info. There is a lot of information on how to approach your daughter using Community Reinforcement and Family Training, or CRAFT, at portalfinanciero.info. I have tried and tried to get through to her and to get her help because she is usually on medication for bipolar and depression.
She has two aunts covering for her and being just as ignorant to her behavior as she is so their is no way for me to get to does adult friend finder work kids or my sister now.
My sister is also very smart, that when social services and the police came to investigate her choking her son out, she made them believe it was a lie and the kids were left there. She has mentally abused her son so bad that he wont tell the cops what happened in fear of disappointing his mother.
Please help me the only people who is not covering for her and wants to help her also are my parents but we just dont know how to help her without further damaging her life!
Thanks for reaching out. It sounds like your situation is very complicated as there is substance use, untreated bipolar disorder, children at risk and domestic violence, does adult friend finder work. They can help you figure out what to do and point you to other resources that may be helpful to you. It sounds like everyone concerned could use some help, so please call us. I found his article while researching how to help my son. I was a single mom while he was growing up and he was my only while poor.
I didnt use painkillers after I found out he was taking them and with all the addiction in my family frankly I was scared too portalfinanciero.info the time I had a re-occurrence and had to do the second round of chemo we were not speaking because of all of their drug problems, I had moved to a little studio to get away from all of them and took care of myself with help of a few friends. How can I stay stronger, what is the best way to say NO without provoking …you would think my having cancer and all I have been through would be enough but seems not portalfinanciero.infone tells me what I need to say even how to say it but no one is here when its being said dealing with the pressure he puts on me …none of my family will help with him they have written him off … I dont know what to do anymore …I just know I cant keep doing this Hi P, does adult friend finder work.
Your story free adult frend finder heartbreaking on so many levels — the rampant problems with mental health in your family, your personal struggle with cancer and the unrelenting concern for your son and his safety, does adult friend finder work. There is no charge for this service and the parent specialists are very warm, caring and resourceful people. I wish you all of the best with your cancer treatments and with your son.
Please feel free to reach out, does adult friend finder work. Pat I am looking for some advice. I have a girlfriend, who is pretty an ex now that uses. I suspect she been using cocaine based on what to look portalfinanciero.infoy, sleep pattern, hygiene, agitated at times.
She still has most of her stuff at my house and does adult friend finder work mail still comes. I always suspected her use, but could never prove it. But now I have more evidence since she been gone. Thing is, I am her friend still and it pains me to see what she is doing to her self. She also has a drinking issue. I been trying to talk to about us and she tells me this day so and so, but avoids me. I want to confront her on her usage.
I have no anger towards her, I have confronted my issues. People tell me I should just toss her stuff on the front step. I ask if I should pack it up and have her come and get it or wait til she comes? She has no family and I know most of her friends are just drinking buddies. I have a feeling eventually where she is, it will start to get ugly. Things were looking good at one point after changing my ways and does adult friend finder work saw us so portalfinanciero.info then she fell back into the hole and got suck back in it looks like.
How can I try to talk to her in person? Do I just wait until she needs her comfort and have her come to me and try to talk to her then? I forgave her for everything she has done as I have no anger towards her as I mention. I just want to try and have a heart to heart talk before I find my friend, who I love, is dead! I have talk to some people and even some recovering addicts about their story and tell me it will be rough for her, especially when around other addicts.
It will be a violent cycle and abusing one with other addicts. You sound like a very caring and supportive person with respect to your friend. I can understand how worried you are about her with respect to her drug use and the potential for abuse.
You have said that you want to confront her about her use and that she is avoiding you. You know her well so it might help to ask yourself how she will respond to a confrontation. Will she get angry or dismiss you? Friends, and family members for that matter, does adult friend finder work, often hope that loved ones will have a eureka moment and admit to having a problem and want to seek help, but often the response falls far short of this.
Perhaps you could simply send her a text or email and just let her know that you does adult friend finder work. She hates arguing and confrontation as she been abused all her life as far as I know.
I know she will dismiss me and deny everything I expect that. I am not looking for an eureka moment also. I just want her to hear my words and maybe it will sink in.
I understand she has to help her self in the portalfinanciero.info to let her know, I am here to guide her if she seeks that help. She is avoiding me because she is caught up with another guy who is a user. When she is alone, I know she is thinking about me and other stuff. But when they get home, it is party time. She actually reach out to me today and said she was thinking about me. I have txt her and she knows I care very portalfinanciero.info knows I love her also and she has seen the changes I have made, does adult friend finder work, but also is afraid that I will go back to my demiss.
I was an internet junkie. She is afraid to be heart broken and I feel part of my issue may have drove her further to what she is doing now. People tell me to tell her to get them, but then I have a feeling I will lose her and never see her again. I am trying to get that face to face talk. I know she feels I am her comfort zone. She knows I care and she knows I am not a mean person. I have tried to reach out to her to talk before, but like I portalfinanciero.info blows me off.
So I been kinda ignoring how to pick up the girls until she feels ready to come to me. I am a mother of an alcoholic son. He drinks poisoning amounts of hard liquor vodka every day, to the point of black outs. Every time he leaves hospitals he promises himself he will do intensive outpatient but ends up drinking again. He lives alone and is in isolation. He has a shy and reserved personality but is also very bright.
He feels hopeless and cannot see past his current situation but I know there is no other option for him at this point in his addiction besides inpatient treatment but I cant for the life of me help him see the life changing importance of this action.
As a mother I will never be prepared to loose my son. He is my only child and I am widow, I cannot bear the pain of losing my only child. My adult siblings and I are trying to does adult friend finder work our brother.
He has had health problems for years related to inherited blood clotting issues that may have been compounded by his lifestyle that included many years of smoking, drinking and, more to the point, drug use. One of his friends called my sister to say they are worried about him.
He is very bright, very angry and has only asked for money to help in the past. Is it fair to ask his friends to speak with him to try and get through? I think it is so compassionate of you and your siblings to want to help your brother as many people would have walked away; especially given how long he has struggled. I can understand your concern about sending him money for fear that he will spend it on drugs.
Sometimes families will choose to provide money, but only directly to a landlord or to the grocery store or doctor, etc. Given that his friends are sharing their concerns with you, they may be more than willing to talk to him either with you or alone. It seems to me that there is no downside in asking as often loved ones can hear a message from one person, but not another like a family member.
This would be a something to look into, especially if your brother is expressing any kind of does adult friend finder work thoughts. In terms of reaching out, it may be a situation where you line up some options and then tell him he can make any choice he wants to, but for you to send more money, strings will be attached in the form of some kind of help. There is a great book called Beyond Addiction written for family members that might help you with this.
Here is a link to it: portalfinanciero.info Hello all. Every time he goes out he gets wasted, every time he gets together with friends or family the same. Whatever plan we make, there has to be alcohol involved. So the arguement got heated, and we both said horrible things, does adult friend finder work, but this time he finally acknowledged he had a drinking problem and he told me he would not drink as much again.
We are both in our mid-late thirties and we have talked about starting a family, but this is something to portalfinanciero.info I need help. It sounds like you want to engage with him in a way that he can hear you and respond to your requests without hurting him. There is a book by Dr. Finding activities in the evening that compete with drinking is also a component of the plan. Here is a link to Dr. Pat Thanks Pat, I really appreciate your words.
He has been an alcoholic for several years. He moved home to find a job and get sober. He went to AA meetings but would drink in between. We drew the line in the sand but he continued to drink, sneaking out at night to buy alcohol and then would pass out in the yard. During one of his periods of sobriety he found a job and we found him an apartment as we would no longer along to harbor him under our roof while he was drinking. He has gotten so drunk on several occasions since that we have taken him to the hospital where they will only monitor and release, does adult friend finder work, even after he told us he was trying to end his life by drinking.
We even signed papers to this effect but the hospital still released him after he was sober. Please help us figure out options before he kills himself. I know the hospitals will release him once he sobers up because they will ask him if he planned to hurt himself and if so, how, etc. If he denies wanting to harm himself, they have no choice but to let him go, unless there does adult friend finder work a pattern and concerns over any previous attempts.
I can see where you would hope and expect that going to rehab and a transitional home should have helped more, but in trying to change a long-standing pattern of behavior, the fact that he went and does adult friend finder work able to be successful for nearly two months is a good step forward.
Many people need multiple treatment episodes to maintain their recovery. They can listen, help you develop a strategy and point you to helpful resources. For example, your son may benefit from medication-assisted treatment like Naltrexone or Campral, he may benefit from help with a mood disorder that contributes to his drinking and thoughts of taking his life, etc.
There are also a few books that may be helpful to you such as Get Your Loved One Sober by Dr. Both books are written for family members and suggest concrete steps to take to engage a loved one like your son in treatment. Hi Andy, I know how you feel and I know how he feels.
Ive does adult friend finder work there before, not myself but someone very close to me. I have read responses on this site and have noticed so many are in the same situation as I am. I am a concerned sibling of an addict. I have enabled by letting my sibling live on my property rent free for sometime now. I have taken the steps that I need to let her know that I can no longer let her live on the property.
It has gone so far as my next step is legal eviction which is going to completely tear me up but for everyone I feel this is the best step. So as a counselor am I blowing the addiction out of proportion. Or am I really doing the right thing? I know tough love is hard but have I taken it too far for the simple fact of the non speaking part?
Dear Pat, Thank you for your detailed, careful answers to so many people, does adult friend finder work. I have read through the article and a lot of the comments and responses here and have just purchased a Kindle copy of the book by Jeffrey Foote. Fortunately no crisis has occurred as a result, and the problem is still invisible to everyone but him. He managed to quit smoking on his own with only a little encouragement from me.
Over that time it developed into a habit of consumption through the day and is hard to break especially given that he remains overwhelmed with his situation and is still adjusting to his grief and loss.
He is a responsible, mature, gentle, intelligent, well educated and rational man. He has seen doctors for his depression even before his wife developed health issues, and after she passed, he was prescribed anti depressants.
He tried a variety of them, but did not like how they made him feel. He is now trying out St. I have also encouraged him to increase his family connections, and find a social support network, perhaps through a church even if he rejects the notion of the traditional Christian God. He is resistant to outside intervention for the alcohol issue, although has considered telling more of his family.
I really appreciate what you said about starting with trying to cut-back, and if he is unable to do so, then to allow that failure to naturally lead to the next step for more intervention and outside help, does adult friend finder work. I will soon move far away and be unable to visit with him as often and have to rely on technology, texts and phone calls to be in touch with him.
I would be grateful for your thoughts and any advice on how I can continue to support and help him. Also when I do meet him, whether it is ok for me to go out with him for a drink as friends, or whether it would be better for me to find activities that are entirely sober.
Thank you so much for how much you make a difference to countless people, and for all these replies and this article and website. I have a situation. The medication is making the issue worse.
The side effects are making her butterfly net sick. Who do I report this to? You are obviously very concerned about your friend. The doctor will not be able to respond to you, but at least the doctor will have the information. If she says she is fine and there are no visible signs of distress, they will not take her to the hospital.
I would also be curious as to whether something else is causing the problem. Gabapentin is an antiseizure medication although I know doctors who find it helpful in addressing anxiety. The reported side effects are pretty benign, so what you are describing is somewhat unusual. I am so tired of getting nervous and mad inside whenever this happens, what can I do for her to help her control her drinking amount? Thanks for your kind words. I share your concerns that your sister is drinking fairly large amounts in social settings that could result in several risks, not the least of which you mentioned.
She tells you that she enjoys the atmosphere with her friends and that is her reason for drinking, although I wonder how much she remembers if she is drinking to the point of intoxication. It could also be that she feels she fits in when she drinks, it makes her feel more relaxed, she feels more out-going, etc.
In order for her to take the next step in the change process, the benefits of not drinking to the point of being drunk must outweigh the benefits of being with her friends and getting inebriated. Can you does adult friend finder work of a reward or incentive that could be offered to her to recognize when she does come home sober, or at least not intoxicated. At a minimum, when she manages her drinking, send her a text to tell her how nice it was to see that she was able to do so.
You could suggest that she talk to a therapist about ways to cut back her drinking when she is out with friends. I too am a concerned sister of an addict. I have let my brother live on my property for several years now without charging rent. He had become addicted to pills and was supposedly dealing as well. I had told him he had to leave because I have children. He ended up having surgery so I let him stay.
His wife left, I let him continue to stay. This time I gave him a letter of eviction. Quiescently he came to talk to me and said he was going into treatment. He was to leave for treatment the same day he was to vacate the residence. He got out of treatment and came back to the home without our consent.
Meanwhile during this time I can not catch my brother to talk to him. He was avoiding me and still is. We started seeing signs again that he was probably doing again. Time is getting near and he has made to effort to move anything.
I love him and want the best for him. At the end of the month, I feel as if I have no choice but to legally evict him. But at the same time, I have my family to look after and if I continue to let him stay who knows what will happen up there.
We can not police the place. I know my enabling has to stop. I feel as if I have put this wedge between us that may or may not go away. I have noticed that anyone having a problem similar to mine a sibling with a drug issue that they have financially assisted and are in a position to have to stop assistance you have not answered any of those types of questions that I have seen.
Usually new posts are emailed to me and I respond accordingly, does adult friend finder work, but obviously I must have missed your post. I think siblings have a very difficult time of it; either trying to be supportive or standing on the sidelines watching the toll it takes on the family. Often there is a fair amount of resentment too, meaning the focus of the family is on what the substance user is doing, without noticing the wonderful accomplishments of other children.
I gather from your comment that you have supported a sibling and feel that you can no longer continue to provide financial support, does adult friend finder work. In either case, finances are something you can control and you have the right to put boundaries in place as to how your money is spent. You are always welcome to post here and if you do, I will get back to you.
Thank you for this very helpful post. She is the closest I will ever have to having my own child, and I love her to pieces. She is on anti-seizure meds and some other presecriptions all having to do with her condition and the side effects migraine, anxiety, difficulty sleeping caused by her primary meds, which have been adjusted over the years while she was growing.
Until recently she had everything going for her but a few months ago it was discovered that she had started binge drinking. When she was allowed to call home every other day, she seemed to be doing well and said she was learning a lot about herself. The penultimate day of her treatment she was asked to leave after some sort of unacceptable behavior.
Because she is not a minor her parents are not able to get all the information from her treatment, but of course they are very concerned for her especially due to her medical condition. In addition, shortly after leaving rehab she took some unknown drug to our knowledge she has never before used drugs with this guy that caused a seizure and resulted in an ambulance trip to the ER.
She has been told repeatedly that we all love her, will do whatever we can to help her and are not mad at her, does adult friend finder work, but we are feeling completely helpless. I can understand why you would be so fearful for your niece given her medical condition and her new-found relationship with this man, coupled with binge drinking. It is so frustrating when someone understands, does adult friend finder work, at least at an intellectual level, the risks associated with their behaviors, and yet continues to engage in them.
People use drugs and alcohol because there is a benefit for them — it may be an escape from problems, a way to fit in socially, to address boredom, to deal with insomnia, to have better sex, etc.
Only when the benefits are outweighed by the risks is there a change in behavior. Understanding why your niece is using might be a good place to start. I am normally not a big fan of interventions as typically they are ultimatums of getting help or else.
The parent specialists can help you develop a plan with more information and resources for your use. Wishing you the best. She has a family history of mental illness and could very possibly have some kind of personality disorder or mental illness herself. My understanding is that her spiral into alcoholism has been progressive; it began several years ago after her father passed away with a few episodes of excessive drinking.
This however began to occur more frequently, during which time she became more and more unpleasant to be around — often saying mean things to her family members, embarrassing her children and husband at family gatherings, etc. When confronted by her husband with the notion that she may be abusing alcohol, she would deny there was a problem, apologize for her behavior and promise to stop, does adult friend finder work.
It has now gotten to a point where her daughters resent her and have given up hope that she can change. There have also been episodes of minor violence — throwing things, yelling, does adult friend finder work, etc.
Her husband is a very private individual and has does adult friend finder work tried to get her to see that her behavior is damaging herself and her family, but he does not feel comfortable soliciting help from others outside the immediate family. The problem recently came to a head when she fell down a flight of stairs and broke her neck. My girlfriend has tried talking to her, but whenever she tells her mother that she needs help, does adult friend finder work, her mother becomes extremely defensive and claims that her family is ganging up on her and that she does not need help.
I am heartbroken to hear my girlfriend say that there is no hope and that she sometimes wishes her mother would just disappear, especially when I think about the prospect of planning a wedding or trying to start a family.
I would be very grateful for any advice you could provide around how to show an addict in denial that they truly need help, and also what to do for a family that has given up hope that their loved one can change.
You raise some questions that are very common when dealing with substance use. In some cases asking someone to get help to moderate their drinking is more palatable than telling her to stop outright. It helps to find activities and to try to get her into activities that compete with her drinking.
Also, reinforce any healthy non-drinking behaviors — reinforcing may include a text message, a hug, flowers, a kind word, some chocolates, going for a manicure, etc. You may tell her that you feel uncomfortable being around her when she has been drinking and then remove yourself.
It might help you to learn more about Community Reinforcement and Family Training CRAFT. It is an approach to help a loved one engage in healthier behaviors as I have described above, and to engage in treatment using a suite of communication skills and behavioral strategies.
You can find meetings using the locator at this link: portalfinanciero.info I highly recommend Families Anonymous. The pattern we have seen repeated over the years is withdrawal from everyone we are aware this is from a shame and embarrasmentthe inability to attend work regularly, a lack of self care ie; eating, hygiene, staying alone at home for days, borrowing money from parents, sisters, sons, employersbeing sick or unwell constantly. She feels she is a victim, of her childhood, her upbringing, her first and second husband, her previous employers, her lack of choices, and even a victim of ungrateful sons and uncaring sisters.
She does not discuss these thoughts with her family members though we are always aware of when she is in a downward spiral and do our best to get through to her.
Over the years she has gone heavily into debt and has many times borrowed against her home, owed a lot of money on credit cards and other lenders.
She has put our parents into debt on more than one occasion as they know about her depression, but not about her dependencies, and have always tried to cover as much of her debt as possible to ensure that she doesnt lose her house.
Earlier this week I recieved a phone call from a friend of hers who told me that she was at home, was suicidal and was self harming — I left work, went to her house, only to find that she was actually at work while she was sending these messages to her friend.
I enlisted the help of the only friend of hers that actually has her best interests at heart, and together we were able to convince her to go to a clinic to be admitted as an inpatient. Her friend is committed to ensuring that after discharge, she will attend all group meetings and appointments with the doctors at the clinic.
So far, my other sister and I have not told our parents. They are elderly, and have various health issues, and we feel the strain of bearing the guilt of their daughter being suicidal and unable to cope with life is not in their best interests. They are also in no financial position to bear the burden of my sisters financial needs. My parents do not know that my sister has addiction issues.
I love my sister. I hate her addiction. She has been enabled for far too long. My other sister and I are feeling we are left with no other choice than to speak to our parents, be honest with them and Does adult friend finder work am sick at heart as to what it will do to them to convince them not to financially imperil themselves to enable my sister to continue on the path she is on.
We believe that it is time for my addicted sister to prepare to lose her house, or fight her addiction to maintain it. To take responsibility for the ramifications a lifelong substance abuse problem has caused her emotionally, psychologically, financially, morally, and physically. If she loses her house, she will blame all of us for not helping her.
If we force her to fight to keep it, by holding on to her employment, does adult friend finder work, paying her bills and her mortgage and being unable to finance her addictions, she will hate all of us for not helping her. I can feel the family pain through your words and can understand your ambivalence.
It sounds like your sister has a variety of issues including depression. The treatment for it is DBT dialectical behavioral therapy which is also being used for substance abuse with good success. I can understand your reluctance to speak to your parents about this situation.
It might be helpful to get together as a family and come up with a plan and an approach so that everyone is on the same page.
The family could offer some sort of support if she is in treatment so that she has a roof over her head although it may not be the home she is currently in due to her financial circumstances and get the support that she needs.
Helping her find things to do that would compete with her interest in using drugs would be helpful. Some families consider helping support hobbies, healthy social connections, adult education, does adult friend finder work, gym memberships or a Zumba class, yoga, etc. The facility she is in should be able to provide some ideas and support as well as a discharge plan to help you.
Impressive and very does adult friend finder work article. Helping someone with an addiction is always difficult and stressful for both people. My sister has been on a downward spiral for years. She first started out with marijuana, then prescription pain pills, now most recently heroin. She has sold herself, been homeless, lied to and stole from her family and been in jail.
My mother has always stood by her to help her, but each time she goes thru withdrawal and gets clean, she refuses the rehab my mom offers to pay for and eventually somehow ends up on drugs again. I fear for her life, does adult friend finder work. I want to help but I have a family with very small children who I want to protect from her and her drug dealer friends. What can I do? How can you help someone like this??
I have just posted my own story about my sister here — I feel you — I know the corner you are in. How to help without enabling. Knowing that the only help your sister wants, is to be enabled. He stayed off of alcohol for five years this time, but over the past week he pulled a bender. My father is diabetic, he has neuropathy in his feet, legs, and hands.
Most everyone in my family has given up. My problem is, today I will be going to see him and I know he is going to cry, beg to go home etc, does adult friend finder work. How do I not give in?? The crisis team at the hospital are sending him to the clinic. But, I think he definitely needs to go. He lives at home with me and my husband, goes to University and has a part time job.
I discovered several bottles of whisky under his bed when I was cleaning. He also smokes pot at least once a day.
The way he refers about girls is just disrespectful and he thinks woman should walk up to him. He is very confident but I think there is an underlying problem. I feel like is in a dark hole and his though attitude is just to cover something else up. I can understand your concerns as drinking due to boredom and daily pot smoking is unhealthy. It sounds like he has told you that one of the reasons is boredom and your suggestion to take up a hobby is a good one.
I would still follow that line of thinking and truly brainstorm what might peak his interests that could compete with his adult dating line. It might not be an everyday activity, but anything to start wold be good.
It is also helpful to think about how you can reinforce his behaviors when he is doing something healthy or prosocial and how to impose consequences when he is engaging in behaviors you want to see decrease. When you find bottles is there a consequence? Some parents throw out any alcohol they find. I can understand where it might be challenging to find support in the UK. Beyond Addiction by Dr. Jeffrey Foote is a great resource for families and provides step-by- step strategies and tools to engage a loved one in healthier behaviors.
You can find the book at this link portalfinanciero.info. My son thinks all we do is nag and interfere in his life and has now become dismissive and constantly lies. I am not surprised that your son thinks the only problem is you nagging or lecturing and not his drug use — this is so common.
At this point in many families, two things are happening: one is that your own self care and that of your husbands fall victim to worry about your son.
It is very important to figure out how to engage in your own self care. What are things that you can do to reduce your level of stress — talk to a trusted friend, exercise, get flowers for the home, journal, take a yoga class, engage in a hobby, bake cookies, etc. The second thing that often happens is the focus on everything your son is doing wrong with no attention to what he is doing right.
When he is on time for work acknowledge that it was great that he made it to work on time. If he helps around the house, tell him how much you appreciate his efforts. For example, if someone is using because they are having trouble sleeping, getting them help in this area can be beneficial. Finding activities that you know he enjoys that can compete with his drug use can motivate him toward reduced use as well. More help along these lines is spelled out in Beyond Addiction by Dr.
Jeffrey Foote at this link portalfinanciero.info. This service is provided at no charge so please reach out to us for help. They can also help you think through asking your son to move out or under what circumstances he can stay in the home.
First let me say Thank you for responding does adult friend finder work all the people who have posted here. I have a brother who has been dependent on oxy for a number of years now.
He lives on my property. One thing lead to another than another. I again told him he had to leave in the fall. He was at that time selling. There is no sense in asking him as it will not be the truth. He was not supposed to come back to the residence after treatment he was supposed to have went somewhere else, does adult friend finder work.
He just came back to the place like nothing has happened. I guess he thinks I will just let it go. I have been worried that he will go back to his old habits just any day. I have a stressful portalfinanciero.info he was gone to treatment, the stress at home was gone.
Where does my responsibility end? I feel as if I have give and give and the only thing it appears I am doing is enabling a bad situation. But, on the otherhand he is family. I keep waiting for him to get a job. And I feel if he does leave and does get hooked back on whatever, that that will be my fault because I ask him to leave, does adult friend finder work. Can you point me in the right direction? My gut says one thing and my heart says another.
Your brother is so lucky to have your support and you have done an amazing job of showing him how much you care. I can understand where your patience is wearing thin and feeling conflicted as to where your responsibilities begin and end as a family member.
One thought is to problem solve around his job hunt or lack there of. Does he have the skills and resources to get a job —e. Could he benefit from an adult education class to develop his skill set? What kind of networking contacts does he have to get a job?
If he cannot get a position within the next month or whatever time frame you will drive you to social services where he can apply for housing, food stamps, insurance, etc. The specialists can help you think through your options and approach. He lives in a place on my property. Basically a few steps from my back door. Where he lives needs a lot of work and I do not want to assume the landlord role.
If I charge rent then I am responsible for fixing the things that are wrong with the place. He has a college degree. He is currently on Food Stamps. Not sure what the reason is now. Probably the same thing. I am having physical signs of stress. At least he took a step. But he will not look because he assumes that I will just keep giving in.
He has been drinking heavily for almost a decade now. His health condition is ok given his heavy daily alcohol consumption and the amount of years that he had lead this lifestyle.
He is not a functional alcoholic so he was not able to keep a job. Even after multiple hospital stays he refuses to go to rehab.
I have never gave him money as to not enable him but I still keep in contact with him daily for the gut wrenching fear of loosing him. I have exhausted all my options to help him seek longterm rehab treatment but to no avail.
Any helpful suggestions would be greatly appreciated. First let me say that your brother is lucky to have you in his life. He may be willing to seek treatment if you approach him asking him if he would be willing to get help to moderate his drinking.
He probably needs to quit altogether, but this would be movement in the right direction. A good resource for you is a book called Beyond Addiction by Dr.
It is based on CRAFT, which stands for Community Reinforcement and Family Training. It is an evidence-based method meaning that there have been scientific studies demonstrating its effectiveness that shows you how to use behavioral strategies and communication skills to help motivate loved ones toward reduced usage or abstinence as well as other healthy behaviors. I think I can convince her to go to rehab, if I can, what do I do? Bring her to a hospital?
If she agrees I want to take action immediately to get her the help she needs. Your family member may need to detox from alcohol under medical supervision. This can be done at a hospital and at some rehab facilities. Usually insurance will cover the detox part so you may want to check with local hospitals to see who provides treatment and if they have available beds.
Family members often call the insurance company to ask if they have a rehab benefit and the answer is usually yes, but without past treatment, they will not allow you to use the benefit. The better question is is your loved one eligible for treatment assuming you have the benefit. Hi Jody I know how that is. Insurance may cover treatment. She just got out of jail and is back at it again. Now her husband has started drinking a lot as well. He has talked of taking his own life and becoming verbally abusive to the girls.
It kills my husband and I to see the girls keep going through this. We would love to have the girls come stay with us but do not know how to go about this. Mom keeps saying she is getting help and dad keeps saying he is not the one with the problem so he should not have to quit drinking.
What you have shared is of concern not only fro your friend, but especially for the girls. The behavior of the parents including their drug use, the verbal abuse and the concerns over suicidal ideations puts the girls at risk. If this were brought to the attention of the school or any counselor, they would be required to have child protective services investigate. I would encourage you to seek out professional help to figure out the best way to get the family help.
It is really hard to watch a daughter struggle with substance use and to lose custody of her children. I encourage you to keep loving her — it can be a tremendous influence on her and give her a reason to hope. It has now come to a point where his marriage has broken down ,he is in danger of losing his home and his business and he does not seem to be concerned about concealing his addiction….
We parents and siblings live in a different country from him and are concerned about him…it has God past the point of talking to him as he feels he does not have a serious problem…. There is an organization called ARISE at portalfinanciero.info. It may mean that you plan a trip to his location or someone from the family does to help with the intervention.
I was never happy with this idea but he still did it. He is someone completely different. It may be that he has gone back to using cocaine as sometimes using any other drug like marijuana will lead back to use of a preferred drug. It also can be very stressful deciding whether to stay with him and hope things change or leave. Her safety is very important and if you have any sense that your boyfriend is using while caring for her, a different plan is needed.
You might find going to a support group helpful like Nar-anon or Families Anonymous. You can google their locations for meetings near you. You can always call our helpline and speak with a specialist to figure out a good plan and to learn of more resources. It takes a lot of courage to address this situation and I wish you all the best in doing so.
My best friend is in her freshman year of college and is a drug addict. She has been to rehab once before, in our junior year of high school, for an addiction to adderall.
She stayed clean of all substances for over a year, and then began drinking and smoking pot again. Shortly after, however, she started taking adderall again. Slowly at first, hiding it from me. Then she went away for school. The very first day I learned of this I drove to see her and expressed my concern. I told her that I was worried about her and that I thought her drug use was getting out of control again.
The cocaine use became regular, she started using MDMA fairly often as well as regularly using Xanax in high doses and drinking excessively almost every night. Some of this I know from her telling me directly and other parts are things her roommate or other mural friends of ours have told me about. No one seems to be as concerned as I am.
What should I do? How can I help her the most and maintain her trust in me? First does adult friend finder work me say that your friend is lucky to have you in her life. Your concerns are valid as it sounds like her drug use is spiraling out of control.
It is often hard for someone to not go back to their drug of choice when triggered by alcohol or marijuana use. High doses of Xanax and alcohol are particularly dangerous as they both depress the central nervous system and can result in an overdose. Would they believe you some parents are really in denialwould they take any action, and would they reveal you as their source they may already have their suspicions?
You mentioned that she is at school so it might help to talk to someone in the counseling center at the school to share your concerns. They can ask a student to come and see them and say they got anonymous information that there was a concern, does adult friend finder work. You also mentioned that her roommate and other mutual friends have raised the flag with respect to her use. Can they be of help in talking to her together? She may not think she has a problem, but sometimes it helps to discuss what you are seeing — changes in weight, reckless behaviors, etc.
I hope this helps. She is an older woman in her mid sixties. She came to help care for my three children while my son was terminally ill. My son passed away from cancer almost two years ago. Our sitter had also lost one of her children three or four years ago. We have continued to use her periodically. Most of my friends use her for child care as well. I recently had another child by c section. Not thinking anything of it I had left my Rx pain meds from my surgery out while she was watching the kids.
That evening I realized a handful of pills were missing. She was the only person in the house besides myself. As I looked back on the day, she was unusually happy with my daughter and would not make eye contact with me as she was leaving. She was let go from someone years ago for having an unmarked pill bottle on the counter at the house of a boy she was a nanny for. She had called up the mom of a friend and complained of a toothache and asked her if she had any Rx strength pain meds.
Luckily he was found not too far from the house. Everything is pointing to her having a possible problem. Swinger friends has neck pain and issues, a bad knee and unresolved grief over the loss of her son. My husband and I care for her greatly and something needs to be said to her. I worry that she will cut ties with all of us and move onto working with other families… Where something bad could happen to her or a child.
What do I do??? I can only imagine what a quandary you are in with what you have learned. Your babysitter is lucky to have someone who cares so much about her in her life. The most important thing is the safety of the children and if you are worried that she is abusing pain meds, and could potentially harm a child through neglect or otherwise, then action is warranted.
It sounds like at a minimum she needs help with pain management, handling grief and potentially abuse of her medications. You might suggest that she get help in these areas — that she needs some time to focus on herself and get the help that she needs.
You are in a how to pick up girls in a dungeon felia poster uncomfortable spot, but for the good of everyone involved including your babysitter, talking to her in a kind way can help, does adult friend finder work.
I recently became involved with a young woman who had a pretty bad drug problem at one point in her life. She told me these things after we got together, does adult friend finder work, but she had been sober for a while and seemed committed to living that way. In fact, she has mentioned several times she chose me because I was clean and not connected to that world in any way, shape or form.
Now she told me she recently relapsed the past few days. Someone to whom she was close died a few months back, and I guess she was triggered back into it. It hurt her at her job immediately, so there were some consequences. She knows it was wrong. The only thing that seems scarier than staying is turning my back on her and leaving. Relapses, especially when one is under stress, can be very common.
It is similar to someone having a set back with diabetes, a heart condition or any other chronic illness. I look at relapses as an opportunity to assess what was going right and what went wrong so that corrections can be made to stay on track with the life she wants to lead.
Hopefully she is taking steps to get back into recovery. Your continued support can only be a great help to her. We have always had a lot of family problems involving drinking and cheating and domestic abuse. He comes and goes as he pleases there seems to be no set rules. Before he started working for my dad he was in jail but one of the guys there said he just got mixed into the wrong crowed.
I know that his mom also does drugs and is a bad influence on him that is part of the reason why he is living with us. His friend was at our house two days later but no one ever tells me whats going on.
I dont think he ever went to treatment and I also found out that he isnt allowed at my dads work anymore. Honestly I am scared I dont know what drugs he is on I dont know if his dealers does adult friend finder work come to my house I dont know why he isnt allowed at work yet he is allowed near me and my younger siblings. Yet if my stepmother or I say anthing about it my dad will does adult friend finder work to us.
I dont know what to do. It sounds like you have every right to be concerned. You should be safe in your own home and they can help you figure out the best way to make that happen. If for any reason you are reluctant to call us, can you talk to a counselor at school or someone at church who could help you?
My boyfriend and the mother had been separated since the son was a young kid so he feel like he have to go the extra mile of showing affection. The son was doing quite well up until New Years Eve. My boyfriend found out and kicked him out of the house because he was not keeping his promise of staying clean. The son had made effort ie. My boyfriend feel stuck because the son would tell him he doesnt have money for food yet he has money for weed. My boyfriend had attended workshops and made goals with the son — however, does not know what to do next.
I had encouraged him to talk the son to start a local in-facility program where they rehabilitate the person for a year and teach them skill for jobs with the program. The son is very reluctant to join even after being asked multiple times… what should we do next?
Or does he think we are just trying to get rid of him? Any input will be appreciated. It is also helpful to reward him when he is doing what you want him to do. My son was addicted to a legal high drug for many years. The best advice I had was separate yourself, detach from the problem. It sounds as though you have done exactly that in the approach you have taken. The stress and the strain of the situation can be overwhelming so do take take of yourself, does adult friend finder work.
I supported anything that he was prepared to do that was positive i. I am at my wits end. This has been going on forever he will take drugs also if he can, does adult friend finder work. They have now split due to his behaviour, he came home and is worse than before he left, does adult friend finder work.
He is aggressive and intimidating, it is as if he has an almighty self destruct button, he is extremely rude to everyone. I does adult friend finder work so sad to see him so horrid, he wont get help, if I suggest he needs help or is drinking again, he shouts at me to stop repeating myself.
I wanted him out of my home so much that I have paid the deposit for him on a flat. He has just started a job he used to work there before and the boss was happy to take him on again. So in theory, he has a good job and a nice little flat. But I know that he will drink and end up not paying the rent. I believe he is depressed and drinks which as we know exaggerates the depression. There must be some key lines to use to get his attention and make him actually go to the effort of seeking help from the doctor.
We all know this new start is wasted on him. How do I protect myself against him. I can sense your fear, frustration and stress from what you have portrayed with your son. My first suggestion, and I know as a mom this is hard, is to focus on your own self care, does adult friend finder work. This can come in the form of social supports, journaling, flowers, music, does adult friend finder work, votive candles, etc, does adult friend finder work.
Some people go to counseling to be able to vent. Whatever it takes, it will help you feel better, help you model healthy behaviors for your son and allow you to make better decisions without being reactive. It may be time for you to take a break from visiting every weekend and just visit once in a while so that you can build resiliency — this is your choice, does adult friend finder work.
If you truly believe your son will lose everything he now has once again, think about what your contingency plan might be. Perhaps he will need does adult friend finder work go to social services to get support instead of you — for housing, food stamps or whatever else he needs.
I had separated with him about a year before that due to his lack of interest in maintaining his marriage. However since leaving, he started experiencing difficulties with his job, not getting to meetings on time, does adult friend finder work appointment and not going to work days on end. All this was when he was a CEO of the company. In the end he got dismissed by his board. Before his dismissal, he showed signs of paranoia, anxiety, accusing me constantly of seeing different men at the same time including his brother and even my brothers!
After losing his job he hit rock bottom and friends rallied around him to help. He sort of took some control of his we all thought but still in denial of what caused his problems in the first place. His friends supported him and six months later he got another job as a Durector of a telecoms company.
Needless to say I was elated, thinking things are now on the up. Unfortunately, this is not so, he still functions in some ways during the day because he goes to work and has managed to maintain his job for at least a year now.
However, he will constantly call me ranting on about my numerous sexual partners, paranoid about everyone. He even claims the smart phones were created so people can spy on him and listen to his conversations. Even claims he gets vision of me taking cannabis.
I want to believe that is what he is on, does adult friend finder work. I have tried to speak about seeking help and that I will support him and be there for him. He now admits his use to me but said he enjoys it and it gives him extra powers and on that bases will not stop.
I have tried everything that I thought would help and when all fails I get frustrated and angry with him. My last resort this new year is to cut him off. I have done so by blocking every means of communication he has with me. But I still worry about him and want to help him, does adult friend finder work.
I can understand why you would want to cut your estranged husband off on one hand and still want to help him. You have described some characteristics that sound like psychosis. Some people do this by asking a person to see someone to address stress, anxiety, sleep problems or some other seemingly lesser important problem with the hopes that his drug use will be part of the discussion, does adult friend finder work.
It is an evidence based method meaning that there have been scientific studies demonstrating its effectiveness that shows you how to use behavioral strategies and communication skills to help motivate loved ones toward reduced usage or abstinence. Again, it is up to you as to how much you want to extend yourself with him, but if you do, these are good resources. She refuses to have me over to her place and rarely comes does adult friend finder work visit anymore.
She is now free from him and lives in a beautiful new place. She is now isolating herself from her friends and family. It takes us begging for her to come visit, does adult friend finder work. And when she is here she has sneaked and drank our alcohol out of our liquor cabinet.
She brought up buying vodka a few times and I refused. She clearly is hiding her addiction. She mixes her alcohol with antidepressants and sleeping pills. In the past when she has drank around us she drinks till she is falling down and deny it the next day. I grew up with an alcoholic father and now my mom is one. Please help point me in the right direction what to do to help! I am also concerned about your comments related to her mixing antidepressants and sleeping pills — this is a very dangerous practice.
Also, depending upon how much she is drinking, she may not be able to quit without being medically detoxed. There is an organization called Arise that has a lot of expertise in this area and may be able to help you develop a plan. There is no charge for this service and the specialists are gifted at listening, helping you with a strategy to engage your mom and pointing you to other helpful resources.
Hello, I have a boyfriend who told me about two days ago that he has a cocaine problem, does adult friend finder work. The next day we changed his number since we have the same phone bill i can keep track on who he is contacting. I made it a point that we need to talk to his mother which we did yesterday and we agree to get him help by a specialist. But, i was wondering if there is anything i can do until we figure that all out financially., does adult friend finder work.
He is an amazing and smart person and we have recently been struggling and now i know why and i want to help him as much as i can. He has diabetes and i know that can cause depression. I know he is dealing with it and i want to help him and get help. We live in California. If there is any advice anyone can give me i would greatly appreciate it thank you.
It sounds like you might need someone who specializes in substance use disorders but can also assess and treat his depression — potentially with medications along with sleep, exercise, nutrition, etc. You can either ask your insurance company for provider names or check out portalfinanciero.info?
One of the best things you can do to support him is to ask him what he liked about using cocaine and then find other ways to help him meet that need.
Reinforcing the behaviors you want him to engage in is really important to — like changing his number, being willing to seek help, etc. A good resource for families is a book called Beyond Addiction by Dr. Wishing you and your boyfriend the best. Pat My husband has a problem with marijuana and does adult friend finder work. He gets up, everyday, and goes to work. They only affect his personal life. He will take intermittent breaks to smoke some more, and drink more beers.
He is coming to bed drink more often than not. I can imagine that at this point your husband seems more married to alcohol and weed than to you.
It can be hurtful and create a lot of resentments, but there are ways to address it. How to help your husband and improve the relationship is detailed in the books Beyond Addiction by Dr. Jeffrey Foote and Get Your Loved One Sober by Dr. Robert Meyers at this link portalfinanciero.info. Both books are steps to take to get your husband to reduce his use or quit completely and how to communicate in a way that you are likely to be heard.
It is an evidence based method meaning that there have been scientific studies demonstrating its effectiveness that shows you how to use behavioral strategies and communication skills to help motivate loved ones like your husband to improve not only his quality of life, but yours as well.
You might also benefit from going to a support group like Nar-anon or Families Anonymous to get ideas as to how other people have addressed this issue. You can google the name for meetings near your home. It is very scary for a parent when a child expresses suicidal thoughts. They would talk to him about his sleep, eating, social supports, thinking patterns, etc. If you need help locating a therapist, you can request names from your insurance company or look at this link.
He lives with me and my husband. He was unemployed for most of his adult life and went on many job interviews with no success. I was thrilled in Sept when he got a job from a temp agency full time. I thought he was on his way to being on his own and having a happy life. He then went out with a known heroin addict and that was his first experience. That person was in rehab from Oct-mid Dec.
As soon as that person got out of rehab my son seeked him out to get some more drugs. He told my other son and he told me and my husband. We want to do the right thing and I want to approach this with the best approach I can. We plan on telling him very soon that I know. I want the best for him and would do literally anything to help him but I will not watch my son go down that road right in front of my eyes and destroy his life and it to possibly take his life.
His father was a coke addict and I left him to protect my kids from it when they were very small. I would like to speak with him and ideally have him evaluated. I know he suffers from depression but has always refused any help. I am so sorry that you are going through this as it can be terrifying having a loved one using heroin.
I agree that his use can escalate very quickly since most people develop a tolerance and he has several risk factors including depression, a family history and unemployment. If you would like to have him evaluated, it would be best to have a place picked out in advance so that if he agrees, he can go the next day or better still, the same day. Sometimes people are reluctant to get treatment because they are afraid to detox.
Most people will need on-going counseling to understand why they are using and how to cope without drugs. Hopefully he will agree to how to start making love to a woman intensive outpatient program.
He may still deny he has a problem, so you might ask him what would have to happen for his drug use to be a problem. You may also want to think about boundaries to minimize his use. For example, what are your thoughts around his employment or having a structured day? What will you do if you find drug paraphernalia in the home, etc. A good resource for families is Beyond Addiction by Dr. It is an evidence based method meaning that there have been scientific studies demonstrating its effectiveness that shows you how to use behavioral strategies and communication skills to help motivate loved ones like your son toward reduced usage or abstinence.
I hope you find the support group to be helpful as well. Wishing you and your family the best. He is a master manipulator when he wants something and we clearly have been falling for it for years.
It got worse than ever since Christmas and he finally asked for help. We did get him into a residential facility and he was gung-ho about it Wed night and Thurs morning. We are scared to bring him home because he has such close access to drugs and his friends who all use.
He is refusing to stay at rehab any longer than he has to and there is just no reasoning with him. He just does what he wants and runs all over us. He says the dr says that he might be slightly bipolar and manic… They are trying some meds to help with that.
Any advice would be welcome. It sounds like your son has come down with a big case of ambivalence — being gung-ho one minute and then falling back in love with his drug use. This is such a hard situation for parents to deal with.
There are several options you could consider: a one is to have him go to a halfway house of sober living where there is likely to be more oversight and he can go to an outpatient program Intensive outpatient at a minimumb he could return home and go to an intensive outpatient program with the understanding that he will sign a release so you can understand how he is doing in treatment and if he begins to backslide he will have to go to a higher level of care or c you could tell him he has to complete the program he is in before coming home which runs the risk that he will sign himself out and live with friends.
The good news about most outpatient programs is that they have psychiatrists who can monitor his medications as it often takes a few tries to get the right medications for bipolar disorder. It might help you and your husband to see a counselor to talk about how to handle his behaviors. Your son could be included as well from time to time to ensure his viewpoint is being heard and understood although not necessarily portalfinanciero.info facility he is in should be able to help you with a discharge plan and recommend people you can see to support the family.
An approach for helping your son regardless of what he chooses to do with inpatient vs. It is an evidence based method meaning that there have been scientific studies demonstrating its effectiveness that shows you how to use behavioral strategies and communication skills to help motivate loved ones like your husband toward reduced usage or abstinence.
They would be glad to listen and help you develop a strategy. They also can connect you to a trained parent coach who has had similar experiences and is trained in the tools of the CRAFT and can share them with you over a series of phone sessions. There is no charge for either service. I tried to help him only take what was prescribed but he buys more because they no longer work. He recently found out he has arthritis in his back which they gave him more pain meds for.
I tried to help but we just end up arguing. I hate our two sons to see him like that. He claims he wants off but throws in my face he needs to make money for us to survive. We have no help, no money and no one to help with our kids. I tell him to work his butt off for a month or two and we will save money so he can detox properly but he always has some excuse. Your situation is not unusual as many people who have been prescribed pain medications end up developing a tolerance and need more to get through the day.
Not only will this be a tremendous physical and emotional burden, but the costs of getting pills on the street are quite high and likely exacerbating your financial situation. Some will prescribe Suboxone, which has a low dose of opiate in it to help with the pain and to deal with cravings, but it also has a component to it that helps reduce the risk of overdose, does adult friend finder work.
He would still need a pain management plan and some on-going therapy or will likely relapse. You might also benefit from going to a support group like Nar-anon or Families Anonymous so as not to feel so isolated and to get ideas as to how other people have addressed this issue.
I am so tired and angry for portalfinanciero.info can I do? I am assuming that for now, you need her support to have a place to live, but am wondering if there is any where else you could go where there would be more stability for you. An approach for helping your mom is detailed in the book Beyond Addiction by Dr. It is an evidence based method meaning that there have been scientific studies demonstrating its effectiveness that shows you how to use behavioral strategies and communication skills to help motivate loved ones like your mom toward reduced usage or abstinence.
Another consideration is the use anti-craving medications. You can read more about them at this link: portalfinanciero.info You might also benefit from going to a support group like Nar-anon or Families Anonymous so as not to feel so isolated and to get ideas as to how other people have does adult friend finder work this issue.
I have a close friend who is addicted to crystal meth. He recently quit his job and has begun receiving meth for free from a sugar daddy of sorts who gives him the drug on the weekends and then he binges and has anonymous sex with multiple partners.
His family has never helped him and he told me that one of the reasons he resorts to the drugs is because they have never supported him. I know he is very unhappy and I have been talking to an ex of his about possibly staging an intervention but as the weeks go by he seems to be getting more reckless.
Your friend is lucky to have you in his life as your genuine concern for him is so apparent. Between the drugs and the high risk behaviors of having sex with anonymous partners, it may be the right thing to do to stage an intervention. There is a program called ARISE which is a more collaborative form of intervention than does adult friend finder work typical one of having friends and family confront you.
Their website is portalfinanciero.info If you decide on a traditional intervention, it is necessary to have a place picked out that can take him on the same day. A more effective approach in terms of getting someone into treatment is CRAFT which stands for Community Reinforcement and Family Training.
It is an evidence based method meaning that there have been scientific studies demonstrating its effectiveness that shows you how to use behavioral strategies and communication skills to help motivate loved ones like your friend toward reduced usage or abstinence.
Jeffrey Foote which is based on CRAFT, may provide great insights for you as to how to does adult friend finder work him in a loving way.
It discusses ways to talk about his situation without having arguments and ways to help him engage in healthier behaviors while handling your own emotions and well being related to this issue. Hi, I am looking for some advice as I am so lost. My boyfriend is an addict. When we first got together, he was very good at hiding this and I truely did not know he was using. He was prescribed adhd medication but was going to two doctors and filling multiple scripts at different pharmacies.
This caught up with him when the pharmacies caught on and reached out to the doctors. He then relapsed last may. He was acting does adult friend finder work, always wanting ice in his drinks and taking ice to his office with him. One night I found bruises up and down his arm and new he was using portalfinanciero.info he had stashed heroin, needles, water, and spoons in our basement bathroom ceiling.
I was only gone for a day and he reached out to me and we talked and he has been sober since. He does have a friend that smokes a tremendous amount of weed daily.
This friend comes over and smokes around him. I talk to my boyfriend about this and he says it does not bother him nor does it make him want to use., does adult friend finder work. But for h, he can not be using anything or it turns into a big relapse. When he had the heroin relapse it started with just a glass of wine, thinking that was OK. He thinks this is not a big deal.
I asked him to talk to this friend and tell him he could no longer bring weed over to our house or property. He refuses to do this. I love him very much and he is an amazing person. He is now in silent mode and refuses to talk. I can understand how concerned you are about your boyfriend smoking weed and hanging out with this person that smokes.
Many people who develop a substance use disorder have problems with cross addiction. A drink, does adult friend finder work, a pill, weed, etc. It is notable that your boyfriend says this is not a big deal on one hand, yet on the other is reluctant to ask his friend not to bring weed to your home and is giving you the silent treatment.
It also sounds like you are living in a state where it is illegal and if someone at say school were to find out how to pick up girls from a dungeon drugs are being used around your children, it may put them at risk of having child protective services involved.
The other approach is to talk to does adult friend finder work about why this friend and smoking weed are so important to him just so that you have a better understanding. Does weed help him relax or address boredom, feelings of loneliness or inadequacy? Depending on the answer, does adult friend finder work, you may want to help him figure out how to cope without smoking.
It might help for you to learn about CRAFT, which stands for Community Reinforcement and Family Training. It is an evidence based method meaning that there have been scientific studies demonstrating its effectiveness that shows you how to use behavioral strategies and communication skills to help motivate loved ones like your bofriend toward reduced usage or abstinence. It discusses ways to talk about this situation without having arguments and ways to help him engage in healthier behaviors while handling your own emotions and well being related to this issue.
My mom has been a somewhat functioning alcoholic since I can remember. My earliest memories date back to elementary school. As I got older, I understood what the term alcoholic meant and began to discuss my opinions with my dad and older brother, does adult friend finder work. I would find hidden bottles in closets, the garage, and various other areas in the house.
I have confronted my mom on many occasions and she continues to deny any type of problem. She has been taken by ambulance to the hospital where she was told her BAC was close to a deathly limit and she still lied and denied drinking to the doctors face.
My dad is very uneducated in this area and I honestly feel like he is both a bit in denial and has accepted this as a way of life. Today, on Christmas, my family was preparing to head to my parents for dinner when I got a phone call from my dad. He said that while he was napping my mom must have gotten into some alcohol. She was unable to stand. Not wanting to subject my kids to this, I headed to my parents solo to assess the situation. She was unable to stand and was extremely intoxicated.
She continued to deny she had been drinking. I told her that enough is enough. She refused a trip to the hospital. I suffer from extreme depression that I feel is partially a result of her alcohol abuse. I told her I care about her and I want her around for her does adult friend finder work and it made no difference. As I mentioned earlier, she is fairly functional for an alcoholic.
She works part time and to my knowledge does not drink until she gets home. She does not get black out drunk every time though. She gets heavily buzzed and slurs her words.
My dad is a bit oblivious to it at times. He will control her checkbook and credit cards but she still finds ways to get alcohol. She does not fit the typical stereotype for alcoholic. I want her to get help. Your mom is lucky to have you in her life, willing to try something to help her and not just walk away.
In your story there is some good news and that is that your mom is holding down a part-time job, does adult friend finder work she is not drinking until she gets home which lowers the risk of a DWI, and that your dad is managing the finances.
Does she drink as a way to relieve stress or she feels it helps her with her sleep, to address her own depression or anxiety, etc.? Understanding what is motivating her, may in part, help you figure out how to help her. For instance if she is having trouble sleeping, she might be willing to see someone to talk about her sleep patterns and ultimately her drinking will be part of the discussion. Another approach is to figure out something else for her to be engaged in at the end of her work day that would compete with her drinking.
For instance, if you invited her over for dinner after work say once a week, would she come to your house and not drink? Some family members have suggested that a loved one get help moderating their drinking. This can help in that while abstinence may be the preferred result, it helps a person understand what moderation is and how their current drinking stacks up to recommended safer levels of drinking.
How to go about these approaches is spelled out in the book Beyond Addiction by Dr. On a safety note, your mom may not be able to quit completely without medical assistance to detox.
Obviously, does adult friend finder work, this would only happen if your mom agreed to treatment. Again, how to suggest treatment is detailed in the book Beyond Addiction. Impressive article, thanks for showing us some tips on how to deal with someone struggling with an addiction. I am trying to figure out how to talk to our adult son my stepson about whether he has an addiction problem and how we can help.
We are really worried about what we are getting into, how bad his situation might be, and how we can help him, does adult friend finder work. But we are also worried that if we ask him — again — if he has a drug problem that it might drive him back onto the street. Generally, a person is using drugs for a certain reason — to handle stress, anxiety, boredom, to sleep, to fit in, etc. The approach to him may come down to asking in a sincere way what he enjoys about smoking weed.
The next step is to figure out ways to help him cope more effectively rather than turning to drugs. For instance if he is using because he is bored, can you help him engage in activities that would compete with his drug use and alleviate his boredom? How to go about this is spelled out in the book Beyond Addiction by Dr.
It is an evidence based method meaning that there have been scientific studies demonstrating its effectiveness that shows you how to use behavioral strategies and communication skills to help motivate loved ones like your stepson toward reduced usage or abstinence. There is no charge for this service. They can also connect you with a parent coach who has been through a similar situation and can help you with the CRAFT tools — also at no charge.
He has lived with them off and on for as long as I can remember. My parents have tried to help my brother in so many ways through the years, does adult friend finder work. They have offered to send him to a treatment center, but my brother refuses.
He has no job and pretty much no quality of life anymore. The other day my brother yelled at my father—-something I have never seen him do before. Then, just yesterday, I walked into a very heated conversation they were having about my brother being drunk that day. My greatest worry is not for my brother anymore but for the well-being of my parents, does adult friend finder work.
They have so much to deal with now—- especially now that my father is ill. I worry about my brother being there with them. My parents would not throw him out because they feel responsible for him. My sister and I want no part of having him come to stay with us. I can understand why you want to protect your parents and your concerns about the aggressive behavior your brother is showing. Another approach is to talk to your brother about how upsetting it is to your parents when he is under the influence and to see if he would be willing to either get help to learn to moderate his drinking, perhaps with the help of anti-craving medications like Naltrexone or Campral, or at least stay in his room when he is drunk or somewhere else where everyone can be safe.
Wishing you and your family well. The younger ones I think are oblivious.